I am a Christian. I am also an Anglican – have been all my
life. I grew up in an Anglican family. I am married to an Anglican minister. We
have 4 Anglican children. We are your normal everyday family – who are Anglican…and
Love God with our entire beings!
As part of our Anglican tradition, we have a time in our
church year which we call the season of Lent. It is the 46 days and nights,
minus the Sunday’s (so really 40) in the lead up to Easter. It is a time of
preparation, a time of reflection, a time of fasting. Typically, people give up
something of significance like chocolate, alcohol, social media etc or take up
something like spending more time with God, volunteering in the local
community, reading their bible more.
It is not a time that we gain favour with God or build up
our ‘spiritual muscles’ but rather a time where we identify with the humility
of our Saviour and we try to give expression to that in the journey of Christ
up until his death.
So what did I give up?
Well this year, as I was praying about what I was going to give
up for lent, I was in the kitchen racing around getting ready for the day. It
had not been an easy week – things had been quite busy and stressful and I
found myself quite tense. And in my tense state – my husband was the one who
bore the brunt of that. An easy target, James is usually the one that I offload
my stress onto – often through slamming cupboards, silent treatment, or even
yelling. It often starts with me blaming him for a whole lot of things and
taking things out on him, before I get to the part where I tell him I am sorry
and that actually I am really stressed about other things in life at the time
and I didn’t mean to take it out on him. Sound familiar?
God really challenged me on this in the lead up to lent.
Often it is our loved ones who we hurt first. We take them for granted as they
are usually in the firing line first and we know they love us and they will
forgive us. But that doesn’t make it right.
So many scriptures in the bible encourage us and direct us
to turn to God in the tense and stressful times - to give our burdens over to
Him, to not be anxious but to pray continually, to seek Him in times of need,
to call out to Him when in trouble, to stand firm on Him as our solid rock, to
take shelter under His wings.
So what did I give up for Lent? I gave up yelling at James.
You might laugh and it is a little funny but also extremely
challenging.
You see, in the midst of Lent, my husband has gone away for
3 weeks. You might think that this makes my Lenten promise easier with James
not around. But in fact – it is so much harder. Currently I am a week and half
into his absence and it has been proven that every time James goes away – lots of
things happen to test me – sometimes even disasters! On a side note – it is during
these times that I have developed complete respect and honour for the single
parents who do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks in a year. They are
my heroes!
And it is at the end of a very long day when multiple things
have happened, I am exhausted and trying to put children to bed, when James
rings and starts off in a cheery voice “Hello!! How has your day been?!”
There in those moments, when I want to reach through the
phone and grab him and say “Look here mate, you have no idea what my day was
like so don’t give me that cheery voice!”
when God reminds me that I have made a promise.
I have made a promise not to take my husband’s love and
forgiveness for granted. I have made a promise not to devalue the blessing he
is to me by treating him poorly. I have made a promise to love the man that God
gifted me with.
I have made a promise to rely on God for my strength. I have
made a promise to rely on God to be my comfort, to be my rock, to calm me with
his peace, to lead me by quiet water, to still my anxious soul and to be
sheltered with His wings.
So as I am feeling the stress build up and I am wanting to
rip into James on the phone as he sometimes display complete oblivion to the
stresses of what comes when you are being a single parent of 4 children,
studying and in ministry – I just chant in my head “Lenten promise, Lenten promise,
Lenten promise!”
And then I hang up the phone and go and spend time with the
one whose shoulder’s are big enough to carry my burden’s and yours….and eat
chocolate... because I didn’t give that up for Lent!
